Ghost

My Button Collection

I miss Hershel

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Cosplay Ideas

I have typically a ‘pin-up’ body type. I have a few ideas for some cosplays but eh, we’ll see what happens!

  • Rukia - Bleach
  • Belle - Beauty and the Beast
  • Vash the Stampede - Trigun
  • Re-L Mayer - Ergo Proxy
  • Mad Moxxi  - Borderlands 2

The most incredible actor, Vincent Price.

  • 1. Who was your first kiss and what was it like?
  • Cameron Miller. Kinda weird.
  • 2. Are you in a relationship? If so, are you happy?
  • No
  • 3. Do you have a crush?
  • Yes.
  • 4. Who is your crush?
  • Anyone who knows me well enough knows who it is.
  • 5. Are you a virgin?
  • No
  • 6. What do you think of Valentine’s Day?
  • I hate it
  • 7. Who is your Valentine?
  • I don’t celebrate this ridiculous holiday
  • 8. Have you ever asked anyone out?
  • Yes
  • 9. Who is your celebrity crush?
  • Ville Valo! DUH!
  • 10. Has anyone ever asked you out and you turned them down?
  • A few.
  • 11. Do you think anyone has a crush on you right now?
  • I haven’t the foggiest idea.
  • 12. What is your favorite thing to do on Valentine’s Day?
  • Eat cake.
  • 13. What’s the best Valentine’s Day that you’ve had so far?
  • Elementary school. Those were the best.
  • 14. What’s your idea of a perfect date?
  • Being happy together and doing something we both enjoy
  • 15. How do you know when you’re in love?
  • When I think about them everyday, when my heart is heavy around them, and when just being in their company is the most contentment I’ve ever felt.
  • 16. Have you ever loved someone on a romantic level?
  • Yes.
  • 17. Do you prefer more or less clingy relationships?
  • Less.
  • 18. Do you feel like you’re loved on an everyday basis?
  • No.
  • 19. Are you usually the first person to make a move.
  • Sometimes
  • 20. Have you ever asked someone out and they turned you down?
  • Yes
  • 21. Do you feel like you’re the dumpee or dumper most of the time?
  • Dumper
  • 22. What’s your “type”?
  • Usually long hair, blue or green eyes, goth, punk, alternative, jokester, odd laugh, tall, thin, very outgoing, a spirited being.
  • 23. What are some of your favorite physical characteristics for your crush to have?
  • A contagious laugh, high spirits, generally happy, and logical
  • 24. Are you a hopeless romantic?
  • Sometimes
  • 25. Do you think that you’re a good kisser?
  • I have no idea
  • 26. What’s the farthest that you’ve ever gone?
  • Uh this was answered above.
  • 27. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
  • Yes
  • 28. Have you ever been someone’s secret admirer?
  • I currently am.. though I’m not sure how secret it is at this point.
  • 29. Do you have romantic fantasies? If so, what are they like and who is in them?
  • Just loving someone who loves me back that I can be content with
  • 30. What’s something that always turns you on?
  • V lines and scruffles
  • A: Who do you like and Why?
  • I like him because he is very curious. I can’t read his every thought or move and it drives me crazy! His laugh always makes me happy even in times when I don’t want to be happy. He cares for me and has been a great addition to my life. I feel content around him and am always kept guessing. I’ve never had such a mystery I’ve had to solve than this of him.
  • B: Have you ever been in love? If yes, how many times, and how do you know it was love?
  • Twice. When I was with Lavi and currently. I think/thought about them everyday and never got bored of them. I was intrigued by them and just how I could never guess their next moves or thoughts.
  • C: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in, and why did it end?
  • 5 years and he thought it best to end it because the distance was starting to get too painful.
  • D: Have you ever changed for someone, if yes, how?
  • Yes, in fear for my life.
  • E: Pretend I’m you ex, what do you want to say to me?
  • I have nothing to say.
  • F: Have you ever been cheated on?
  • Many times.
  • G: Have you ever cheated?
  • No.
  • H: Would you date someone who’s know for cheating, if yes why?
  • No
  • I: What’s the most important part of a relationship?
  • Trust and Loyalty
  • J: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
  • Relationships
  • K: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?
  • It’s just a nice way of saying I wanna bang someone new for awhile.
  • L: How many people have you ever hooked up with?
  • 15
  • M: What’s one thing you regret saying or not saying, doing or not doing in a previous relationship?
  • Hurting him to the point that we lost a 5 year friendship
  • N: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?
  • 17+
  • O: Do you believe in the phrase, “Age is just a number?” Why or why not?
  • After 21, because a kid doesn’t need to be with a 30 something pervert. Once you hit 18 you’ve become a pervert and you need to be around other perverts to get the giggles out.
  • P: What about “Love at first sight”? Why or why not?
  • Sometimes
  • Q: Turn on’s?
  • V lines
  • R: Turn off’s?
  • Over cockyness
  • S: What do you consider a deal breaker?
  • No attraction
  • T: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?
  • When I lose all interest in the person/ no longer desire to be in their company
  • U: Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, for how long? If no, how long have you been single?
  • No, 7 months
  • V: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?
  • Sometimes
  • W: Do you think people should date their friends?
  • If it’s meant to happen it will. I’m afraid of dating my friends though for fear it would ruin the relationship.
  • X: How many relationships have you had?
  • 7
  • Y: Do you think love can last forever?
  • Yes
  • Z: Do you believe love can conquer all things?
  • No
  • 1: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?
  • My parents have never liked anyone I’ve dated.
  • 2: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?
  • Don’t put your heart in it until you know they mean it.
  • 3: Do you think long distance relationships can work? Why or why not?
  • Yes, if both people want it bad enough.
  • 4: What do you notice first about another person?
  • Eyes, hands, facial features, and laughter
  • 5: Do gay, lesbians, bisexuals or transgender people bother you?
  • No

Valentines Day Ask/Special

  • 1:Do you have a crush at the moment?
  • Yes
  • 2:Have you ever been deeply in love?
  • Yes
  • 3:Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?
  • 5 years
  • 4:Have you ever changed for someone?
  • Yes and No
  • 5:How is your relationship with your ex?
  • Non existent
  • 6:Have you ever been cheated on?
  • Many many times
  • 7:Have you ever cheated?
  • No
  • 8:Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?
  • No
  • 9:What’s the most important part of a relationship?
  • Trust and Loyalty 
  • 10:Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
  • Relationships
  • 11:When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?
  • A break is a nice way of saying, ‘I want to fuck someone new or a few others for awhile.’
  • 12:How many people have you ever hooked up with?
  • 15
  • 13:What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?
  • Hurting him the way I did after so many years of friendship and dating.
  • 14:What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?
  • 17+
  • 15:Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?
  • After 21
  • 16:Do you believe in “love at first sight”?
  • Vaguely
  • 17:Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet?
  • Yes
  • 18:What do you consider a deal breaker?
  • No attraction
  • 19:How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?
  • When I just don’t even want to be around the person at all/ lose all interest in their company.
  • 20:Are you currently in a relationship?
  • No
  • 21:Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?
  • Sometimes
  • 22:Do you think people should date their friends?
  • If it’s meant to happen it will. I’m afraid of dating my friends though for fear it would ruin the relationship.
  • 23:How many relationships have you had?
  • 7
  • 24:Do you think love can last forever?
  • Yes
  • 25:Do you believe love can conquer all things?
  • No
  • 26:Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?
  • No, my parents have never liked ANYONE I’ve dated.
  • 27:If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?
  • Don’t put your heart in it until you know they mean it.
  • 28:Do you think long distance relationships can work?
  • Yes, mine lasted 5 years.
  • 29:What do you notice first about another person?
  • Eyes, facial features, hands, and laughter.
  • 30:Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?
  • Straight.
  • 31:Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?
  • It depends on what. If it bothered me too much I’d walk away rather than stay and only hurt them and myself.
  • 32:Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
  • Oh yea.
  • 33:Do you want to get married one day?
  • Peradventure.
  • 34:What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?
  • I will never tattoo a man’s name to my body.
  • 35:Could you be in a relationship without sex?
  • Yes
  • 36:Are you still a virgin?
  • No
  • 37:What’s more important: Looks or personality?
  • Personality 
  • 38:Do you enjoy love films?
  • Sometimes
  • 39:Have you ever given anyone/received roses?
  • Yes
  • 40:Have you ever had a valentine?
  • Yes
  • 41:What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?
  • Doing something we love together
  • 42:Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?
  • Nope
  • 43:What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?
  • My friends
  • 44:Would you consider yourself “romantic”?
  • At times
  • 45:Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?
  • I’m in love with one of them..
  • 46:Have you ever been “friendzoned”?
  • Yes..
  • 47:Which “famous couple” is your favorite?
  • Don’t have one
  • 48:What’s your favorite love song?
  • 'When Love and Death Embrace'
  • 49:Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
  • A few
  • 50:If you’re single, why do you think you are?
  • Because I can’t be happy with anyone for longer than a few months, I find reasons to just be irritated with them and lose interest, and because I compare too many men to the one that my heart still breaks over loving every day.
  • 51:Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy?
  • Poor as long as he loved me and my broke ass too
  • 52:Are you good at giving other people advice regarding dating/ relationships?
  • Ironically, yes, but it never works when I try to take my own advice.
  • 53:Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?
  • Sometimes.
  • 54:How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?
  • I like to make it known but it isn’t a necessity. 
  • 55:Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”?
  • Jealous yes. Clingy or attached no, I like being alone too much.
  • 56:Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship?
  • Yes.
  • 57:Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?
  • Suicide is the most selfish thing you could ever do.
  • 58:Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship?
  • Submissive
  • 59:Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?
  • No.
  • 60:What’s your opinion on open relationships?
  • An open relationship is just a way of saying you aren’t ready for a REAL commitment.
  • 61:Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?
  • My family.
  • 62:How do you define “cheating”?
  • Anything that has to do with kissing, excessive flirting, sexual desires, any form of PDA. 
  • 63:Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?
  • No.
  • 64:Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?
  • Heck to the Yeah!
  • 65:Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”?
  • Sometimes. Depends on my mood.

Reflections

How do you know when it’s time to stop loving someone?

When the day that they left was the first time in your life that you actually felt something stronger than life pulling you to your knees. I loved a man once and I let him go. It hurt when he left but no where near this. I knew I’d see him again, even know how much he loved me. This time, it’s scary. 

I haven’t felt like myself since he left. It’s like a big piece of me fell and hit the grass when he hugged me that last time. Like a part of me knew that he was that important that it had to let go. When we pulled away I couldn’t stop staring at him until he was out of sight. It felt like the end of a chapter I never wanted to let go. I miss his voice. I miss his stories. I miss seeing him smile.

He gave me something that nothing or no one has before. Hope. He gave me hope in everything. He made me see the magic in life and breathe in it’s fire. His embrace made me feel safe and alive. Even though we were just friends, I’ve never felt anything like this before. Something so beautiful that letting it go, a part of me died along with it.

In my heart the memories are alive and fleeting. I feel like such a coward never telling him what he meant to me. I wish I had taken the time if nothing else but to say that he made me want to believe. I felt so much happiness and freedom with him. He gave me more than what I could have ever asked for or even deserved.

Everyday is like walking through a frozen forest. The tall branches raising up to touch the grey skies, white crystals glistening off of them. The air thick with chill and silence. Nothing ever happening, everything the same lost path. I still have dreams of memories and wake up feeling empty with unshed tears. I get bats in my stomach at his touch. When I open my eyes I’m back in that forest feeling the same as I did, that night. That night that I knew tomorrow was goodbye.

The pain is still there almost as fresh as that last touch. My hands run cold even on the warmest days, since then. I tried moving on but none are the same. The feelings are never there. My heart cries for the one person who gave my life that spark to feel alive. The only one thing that has ever inspired me this much to better myself and just bring out all of the brightness in me that I never knew even existed. 

My dreams seem real instead of impractical. I wish there were someone in this world I could do the same for. To inspire and give hope to. I’ve never met such a beautiful person that just cared and ran free in this forest. He ran so handsomely through those frozen trees, smiling with each step. Pushing past each barrier. Perhaps inside he was fighting with demons of pain or sorrow. He never let them out though. I would give anything to kiss him one last time and tell him that he made this lost path light up with the way out. That he opened my heart when things were as low as they were that when he held his hand out to me, I ran through those trees of pain, suffering, and heartache to the promise of love and friendship he offered. That he gave me new hope to run away from that awful and reach out to finally grab onto his hand, so far away.

My heart re-awoke to the warmth of the call. My eyes opened to find a benevolent hand reaching out from those trees. The smile beamed and made kind promises. I wanted nothing more then to run to that hand. My heart finally pushed hard enough to pull me free of that prison and hold me. The distance finally closed and I felt nothing but his embrace. That prison collapsed in on itself and my heart held onto that bond. The day he left a piece of that bond fell to hit the ground. My tears burned and I couldn’t stop. He doesn’t know what he did for me. He doesn’t know the door he opened to realizing how beautiful I am and how free I deserve to be. My chains began to break the first time he opened that embrace until the last one when I was free. The pain I feel now is only of loss. To hear him laugh would be one of the greatest gifts I could ask for. 

Now, standing alone in these frozen trees, I walk each step looking for that missing piece. Knowing that even in his absence, I am happy. I am me and no one can change that. The missing piece will be found and my heart will heal again. The bond between us will always be there and I will always be greatful to him for the peace he gave me. He gave me something to hold on to.

Eris, the goddess of discord
(Sinbad: Legend of The Seven Seas, 2003)

(Source: smaugify)

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